How to use social media without feeling like shit

I would find myself refreshing and refreshing my Instagram profile, hoping and waiting that the likes on my post would go up. I would (and still do) find that I’d reached for my phone and was scrolling through my feed without having made any conscious decision to do so. I’d loose hours to these tiny little apps and come out the other end wondering what I’d achieved with my evening, let alone if I’d even enjoyed myself.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of social media. Facebook, Twitter and the like literally spend millions of pounds on researching how to get us to stay in their apps for longer. There’s a reason that the heart button was used on Instagram and that ‘likes’ are the action of choice for Facebook – it all plays on our innate need and desire to feel loved and likeable. So what on earth are we meant to do when we realise that all this is actually making us feel rather shit? It’s a great question.

Whilst my relationship with social media is one that is most definitely still a work in progress, it is still progress and I am proud of the way that I am now able to use social media in a more intentional way than before – even if I still need to check in with myself every now and again.

Set Your Intentions

A big shift for me came when I took a step back and asked myself why I wanted to use social media at all. Many of my friends were deleting Facebook at the time and I felt a temptation to follow suit but I knew that I needed to stay engaged professionally. So, I decided to set an intention for each of my platforms.

I use Instagram the most, which means that I am more susceptible to loosing hours down its rabbit hole. So I decided to set a very clear intention for the time that I am on the platform – creative inspiration. Instagram inspires me to push the boundaries of creativity that I had previously set upon myself, it’s connected me with so many like minded people who have become dear friends of mine and whom I wouldn’t have met in my everyday life. It’s enabled me to feel a part of a creative community that I have curated for myself from folks spread across the UK, US, South Africa and beyond.

It’s clear to me that creative inspiration is why I choose to use Instagram so by setting that as my intention for my time on there I’m able to check in with myself and ask if my actions are fitting with my intention or if, in fact, they’re working against it. This allows me to be a little stricter with myself and ultimately be kinder to myself in the long run.

Whether you’re an Instagram fanatic like me or if you prefer the dialogue of Twitter or the comments of Facebook, take a moment to pause and ask yourself why you’re there. What is it about that platform that makes you want to use it and how can you better utilise your time there to make sure that you’re fulfilling that intention?

Curate Your Feed

I know this one is so obvious but it’s also so easily forgotten. I’ve heard so many folks rave about their ‘unfollow sessions’ where they essentially go through and cull their feed of accounts that are no longer serving them but it took me so long to actually put it into practice myself. It was only when I had understood my intention and motivation for using social media that I was able to go through and assess who and what I wanted to continue to follow, and who I needed to remove.

Here’s the thing, nobody is going to be offended if you hit the unfollow button. If following a certain account is damaging your mental health or wellbeing, you are well within your rights to opt out of that. If they take offense, then that’s on them not on you. And if it’s a friend or family member? Simply remove their posts from your feed – they’ll still see that you’re following them but none of their posts will show up when you’re taking your daily scroll.

When I first started using Instagram I was very into health and wellness so followed a lot of wellness influencers and fitness bloggers. It wasn’t until I realised that I was there for creativity as opposed to physical aspirations that I was able to hit the unfollow button on many of these accounts. I realised that many were triggering comparisons with my own lifestyle that were making my time on social media quite negative and the difference when I made that switch really was astounding!

Set a Limit

Even with the most perfectly curated positive feed it’s still possible to feel like shit on social media. Why? Well, getting sucked down the rabbit hole and mindless scrolling through update after update from other people’s lives is bound to make anyone feel a bit on edge.

Even the other day I found myself getting incredibly anxious after about an hour hopping from account to account following the same conversation. It took Michael coming in and checking on me to get me to put the phone down, step away from the screen and focus on real life instead.

This is when I made the decision to set a time limit on my phone, simply to increase the awareness I had on the amount of time I am spending online. I chose to set my time limit to one hour, which gives me the perfect nudge when I may have overdone it. I can opt to extend my limit by fifteen minutes, ignore my limit for that day or leave the app and put my phone down. I often go for the extension option, which gives me just enough time to finish up what I’m doing before I receive another nudge to put my phone away.

I know that many people also like to set a cut off point for screen time in their day e.g. after 8pm and this can be another great way to ensure that you’re having a balanced approach to social media and not scrolling right up till bedtime. I’ve been trying to sleep with my phone in another room lately and have to say it’s doing wonders for my quality of sleep!

Check Yourself

Check yourself before you wreck yourself (hands down one of my favourite quotes!). This tip is actually inspired by one of the wellness bloggers I do still follow, the incredible Davida aka The Healthy Maven, who suggested that instead of solely curating your feed perhaps it’s time to check in with yourself and consider why that person may be triggering to you.

I have to say that it took me a while to think this one through, I think partly because I am very clear on why certain fitness accounts are triggering to me given my history with disordered eating. But nevertheless this is such an important point.

If an account is having a negative impact on you when you see their posts or updates, ask yourself why that is? Is is bringing up a bad memory for you, is it triggering a negative comparison with yourself? Taking that time to consider the reason for this negative impact could be an incredibly powerful indicator that something else isn’t quite right. This will help you in determining if you may need to do some work on yourself to allow yourself time to heal, and it’s always worth checking in with a professional if you’re seeing the same comparison coming up over and over.

Remember What Really Matters

Even though many Instagrammers and Influencers are getting a whole lot better at being more raw and open online it’s still so important to remember that social media is not real life. What you are seeing is just a highlight from somebody’s day, it isn’t the whole story.

Try as we might, it’s simply impossible to share every facet of our days. Even if I was to suddenly start vlogging all 24 hours of my day, you would never know exactly how I was feeling inside. Why? Well because you’re not me, you haven’t lived my experience and I haven’t lived mine.

So, remember to place your focus on what really matters – real life. If you’re out at dinner with friends or playing with your kids or having a day out with your partner, put away your phone for a while. Even if you’re alone it can be nice to spend some time with your own thoughts instead of constantly looking for a form of distraction!

We are under no obligation to share every aspect of our lives. You can still be authentic and vulnerable on social media without bidding goodbye to your private life.

I hope this has inspired you to use social media in a more positive mindful way that fits in with you and your lifestyle. I’d love to hear your thoughts, how is your relationship with social media? Have you brought in any new approaches that help you to manage it better?

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